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<div class="post-body" itemprop="articleBody"><h4 id="缘起：孩子们如何实现自我控制"><a href="#缘起：孩子们如何实现自我控制" class="headerlink" title="缘起：孩子们如何实现自我控制"></a>缘起：孩子们如何实现自我控制</h4><p>没有等待困难的人在生活中更容易成功。<br>成功延迟满足的策略：分心策略、抽象化策略、冷静聚焦策略。<br>什么是冷静聚焦？在脑海中使用理性的描述方式呈现诱惑，反之，使用感性的抒情的描述方式，称为冲动聚焦。<br>情绪的影响：生活愉快的人倾向选择延迟满足；生活压抑的人倾向选择即刻满足。<br>大脑有两套系统：热情绪系统和冷认知系统。<br>压力让人容易陷入热情绪反应，从而失去自我控制。<br>短暂避开热情绪系统的方法是，想象其他人会怎么做，因为在替别人做选择时，往往用到冷认知系统。<br>过度控制孩子的父母很有可能暗中破坏了孩子自控力的发育，因此，父母要注意着重培养孩子自主解决问题的能力。<br>“如果-那么”计划有助于成功实现自我控制。<br>父母的承诺一定要兑现，信任感的培养对孩子自控力的习得异常重要。<br>先天基因与后天环境相互塑造。</p>
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<h4 id="拓展：自控力如何成就更成功的人生"><a href="#拓展：自控力如何成就更成功的人生" class="headerlink" title="拓展：自控力如何成就更成功的人生"></a>拓展：自控力如何成就更成功的人生</h4><p>运作冷系统能让人实施计划和解决问题，增强语言推理和高效学习，约束消极情绪和减少压力。<br>镜像神经元让我们不是通过概念推理而是直接模拟来把握别人的思想。<br>“yes I can”是一种掌控感，这种信念使人改变。<br>乐观者失败时，会调整行为方式和环境状况，认为下次就会成功。<br>乐观者成功时，把自己看作是积极结果的原因。<br>现在的自己和未来的自己重叠得越多，越能实现自控。<br>同伙增加心理距离可以控制欲望，心理距离包括时间、空间、社会和假想的距离。<br>自我疏离能够调动冷系统，适合用来评估负面刺激和经验。<br>自我防御机制有利于提升自信，但是过度自信也会带来风险。<br>人们并不会在各个方面都运用自控力。<br>找到让自己感到压力的“热点”，并通过“如果-那么”计划来控制自己的行为。<br>孩子会采用你所梳理起来的自我嘉奖标准，而不是采用你强加在他们身上的标准。</p>
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<h4 id="实施：棉花糖实验如何启发更好的学校和父母"><a href="#实施：棉花糖实验如何启发更好的学校和父母" class="headerlink" title="实施：棉花糖实验如何启发更好的学校和父母"></a>实施：棉花糖实验如何启发更好的学校和父母</h4><p>冥想和专注力练习可以提高执行能能力。<br>美国针对公立学校教育质量差的问题，推出了KIPP，将培养自控力、毅力、乐观等性格教育纳入学校的课程设置。<br>自控的核心是“冷却现在”并“加热未来”。<br>自我梳理，以墙上一只苍蝇的视角看待自己。<br>帮助孩子提升自主感四策略：让孩子为自己选择承担结果；让独立完成挑战和任务；培养孩子成长型思维；父母以身作则。</p>
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